Straight outta hell.
So kommt mir das hier manches mal vor.
Zum besseren Verständnis. Den ersten Camino bin ich nach einer toxischen #Beziehung gegangen.
Diese hatte schöne und miese #Momente .
Geplanter Backpackingtrip, Verlobung, Kinderplanung und gemeinsame Wohnung. Meine damalige #Partnerin zog jedes Mal zurück und beendete jedes mal alles.
Meine #Psyche war am Boden und ich gab mir selber Schuld.
Das war einfach falsch.
Jetzt muss ich lernen wieder etwas zuzulassen.
Das wird schon, wenn ich aus dieser, meiner persönlichen Hölle raus bin.
Dann kann ich auch wieder so chillig rumhängen.
I’m sitting in bed remembering that 7 years ago today I attempted to make that day the last day of my life. At least that is how I have remembered that day
Over time I have come to realize that I wasn’t trying to end my life, I was trying to end my pain. That’s important. Waking up on the floor of my apartment, alone in the dark where only a short time ago I watched my vision go black and believed that was the end. I remember crying and experiencing extreme relief. I was alive! Not only was I alive, but I was glad that I was still a part of this world. It was one of the most surreal moments of my life. I didn’t want all of this world to end for me, I wanted to continue this thing called life and to be a part of it all. I just didn’t want the same relationship with pain and myself anymore. It wasn’t the day that I almost died, it was the day I remembered I wanted to live
I will no longer remember today as the anniversary of the day my life almost ended but as a celebration of the day I decided to live. The day I started my journey of remembering and reconnecting to the parts of my life that are truly meaningful. A journey inward to rediscover the invariable truth that I have always been enough for myself, the people I love, this world and this beautiful and wondrous life. The last 7 years haven’t been perfect by any stretch of imagination and I wouldn’t want it any other way. This amazingly imperfect life has become filled with the most loving people and potential I have ever known. Some of it has come into my life since I started the journey and some have been there all along. I am grateful for all of my life and all that I have gone through. It’s hard to believe that I almost ended it all right before the best part of my life began
Be kind to those who are struggling. They are doing the best they can to live with pain that is overwhelming. Offer them a moment to be seen, heard, and loved no matter their struggles. Thank you to all of you who did that for me and continue to do so. Those closest to me know that I take every moment to say how much I love you. This whole experience has taught me to love loudly and I will never stop.
Into the mountains I go... to lose my mind and find my soul!
Well, not the mountains pictured here exactly, but some really beautiful ones in Oregon for the @moodylittlesister annual camping concert.
I have been contemplating a social media detox for quite a while now and figure this is the perfect opportunity.
It’s quite disturbing when I think about how long it has been since I’ve fully broken away from the matrix. I must admit I have a little anxiety about it, which definitely means it’s time!
So exited for the well needed break to replenish my being and come back recharged and ready to take on my next level projects with @thehealingcouple_
I’ve decided to unplug a couple of days before I leave to get a head start on unwinding my brain.
Cant wait to share more with you all on the other side (next week)! ;)
When was the last time you unplugged from it all? Did you come back with a renewed energy?
1 325 minutes ago
Good Morning World! "To hear never-heard sounds,
To see never-seen colors and shapes,
To try to understand the imperceptible
Power pervading the world;
To fly and find pure ethereal substances
That are not of matter
But of that invisible soul pervading reality.
To hear another soul and to whisper to another soul;
To be a lantern in the darkness
Or an umbrella in a stormy day;
To feel much more than know.
To be the eyes of an eagle, slope of a mountain;
To be a wave understanding the influence of the moon;
To be a tree and read the memory of the leaves;
To be an insignificant pedestrian on the streets
Of crazy cities watching, watching, and watching.
To be a smile on the face of a woman
And shine in her memory
As a moment saved without planning." - Dejan Stojanovic
■ I travel. And when l travel, l wander. Early in the morning. In the mindle of the day. Late in the evening. And I wander again and again and again. And while wandering, I see. Landscapes and seascapes. People and little animals. The sea, the sky, the horizon, the nature. But more important than seeing, is the fact that l feel like unfolding, opening up. Opening my eyes, opening my mind, opening my heart. Above all, I feel like opening myself... ■
“Have you ever thought, just for a single second, that it’s you?” She smacked me in the face, with words. It stung. Because I think that every day. I blame myself for the people that leave. I look in the mirror and think, what is so different about these hands that they break everything they touch? Is this mouth so different that every word it speaks chips away at the frailty of human relationships and says, “go. I’ll take the blame. I always do.”⠀
But she was wrong. I am wrong, every time I ask this. Not because we shouldn’t question ourselves and improve our character— we should. Everyone has room to grow, some more than others. But we must realize when the breakdown of human connection is not because of some fault within ourselves. The reality is, that some people are only meant to be temporary. Very few people will stick with you through your life— everyone has a role to play but they will move on and off the stage as this universe sees fit, because they are just bit parts. Minor characters. Roles soon to be replaced. Don’t beat yourself up over the transience of temporary people. Don’t mourn them, don’t blame them, don’t hold onto the ghost of their memory and let it haunt you. Instead, whisper silently to yourself, “it was nice having you, I hope you’ll stop again sometime.” And if I ever see her, I won’t be angry for what she asked me— instead I’ll say, “doesn’t that breeze feel nice?”⠀ #zackgrey