Such a gorgeous day yesterday in Brighton. Celebrating a friends birthday, then out for dinner to introduce my bro and man.
I wouldn’t have any of this if it weren’t for sobriety. I wouldn’t be able to drive to Brighton, I wouldn’t be invited to birthdays, I wouldn’t have a good relationship with my family and I wouldn’t have a romantic relationship.
Alcohol took so much from me but sobriety has given me everything I ever wanted and more 💛
Alone. Since motherhood, relationship/marriage there haven’t been many moments where I was alone.
Sometimes I joke: „I don’t believe in reincarnation. But if there is a slight chance to reborn again, I would like to try the other life concept: single, no motherhood.“ Some people are shocked, thinking I dislike my life.
Right now I get a tiny taste of being alone. No husband, no kids, no office nor colleagues, just me for a whole week. Being alone for a couple of hours is not the same. This is just spare time within the every day rush and routines. But being alone, hanging out with myself, no one calling me, no constant talking, does not feel familiar.
I remember having problems being alone in the past.
I did not know how to spend time with myself.
I tended to lethargy, apathy.
I tended to think too much, aimless thinking.
I tended to drown in black, demoniac thoughts.
These tendencies are still present, I’m aware of that. But today I can handle them better than I used to.
It's a question of self control, discipline, positive distraction and being kind to myself (and kindness to oneself can be hard work, I tell ya).
On my last day of vacation there was a slight moment of fear facing a week alone with myself. Though I was and still am happy for this precious time, this feeling tried to climb up.
Maybe it's the unknown lying in front of me which is far more unknown than anything else that I have experienced before. It makes me feel insecure. And knowing to be alone with myself for a whole week with a feeling of insecurity made me feel anxious.
So, what did I do?
I felt the fear consciously, trying to replace it with excitement. As paradox it might sound, the unknown also fills me with excitement and some euphoria.
So I'm going to enjoy being alone with myself.
After all, it's just a matter of self control, discipline, positive distraction and being kind to myself. P.S.: I know the value of my life and I am grateful. But you can only appreciate what you have if you are able to imagine or live other concepts. Can you? #selfcontrol#bekindtoyourself#lifeisajourney#lovemyself ❤ #lovinglife#perfectlyimperfect#whatthefuck
I wake up one morning, early! Uber to the airport. Jump in a plane, read my book for the flight. Occasionally chat with the couple next to me and goo and gah over their 2 month old baby! I make my way to the car hire place and pick up a vehicle. Plug in an address and begin driving the 3 hr trip. Freedom on the open roads is tangible. Stop off on the way a few times. Eat a homemade pie, sniff peppermint to keep me awake. Admire the countryside. Arrive to meet a new friend, our first time meeting in ‘real life’. But we have ‘known’ each other on line for a while. Im welcomed into her home by smiling faces, cool drinks and yummy dinner! Facetime the fam, including Maggie the groodle. I miss my puppy. Sleep in a bed so carefully made for me. Wake up, soak up the rays here in QLD, bask in the sun. Run two oils workshops and meet lots of new friends. Share stories, dreams, challenges..... eat more, sleep more. Loving my job. Love our vast country. #blessed#travelforwork#lifeontheroad#doterraontheroad#doterra#doterraessentialoils#eatsleepshare#qld#kingaroy#lovinglife#outoftheordinary#groodle#groodles#groodlepuppy
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What's your favourite hot drink?
I'm managing to staying on plan with english breakfast tea with almond mylk 😘
But you know I havent drank tea for just over 3 years until this week.....and I love it again.
When I gave it up originally it was because I'd stopped using sweeteners and didn't like it as a result, but found coffee ok.
I use to have 2 in every drink = that's approx 14 sweeteners just in drinks a day 😱
MISS GAUTENG SCHOOLS 2019🌹👑 Words can't describe how grateful I am!
Thank you to everyone who supported me in this journey. I love you all! 💕
Thank you to my friends and family that came to watch me. (You are my favourite "rent a crowd "😄). To @yolandirossouw12 for helping me prepare and being the best of the best modelling teachers. For @_mel23michel_xx@livinglightmakeup for making me look beautiful! I appreciate you very much!🤗 @heleen.pienaar
My mommy and Daddy! Thank you for being my #1 supporters! Thank you for always being there! For giving up so much for me!*😘❤ Last night once again showed me that your greatest success comes after your hardest work. Sometimes it feels very overwhelming and impossible. HOPE gives you the opportunity to stay positive and be optimistic about your bright future. When I was called out for top 5 the nerves got me. I thought I totally messed up my question... even cried a bit. Then when crowning came I knew all I can do now is believe and keep on hoping. I can't change anything that happened and only knew I gave it my all. My name was called out and before I could help myself I was filled with tears of joy!😊Don't give up on anything before you even know. What is going to happen!⚘
Ps. I waited a long time for this! ✔So basically I want to share with you the following message:
We always want certain things and when we don't get it or achieve it we always ask questions. We are angry and disappointed. We can't understand why...
But Jesus know when it is your time to shine. HE knows what is good for you and what not. You can't understand things know but in the future there is much greater things for you!