I have a print out of this next to my desk. I look at it every day. It reminds me to keep working on myself. I have been scared to reveal this, but my surgery is still on for the 26th. I can hardly believe it. It's finally happening. I've completed six out of my seven days of liquid dieting in preparation. Haven't cheated once. For the first time, I think I actually believe I can do something. I will succeed.
GOALS • REALITY • OPTIONS • WAY FORWARD
Life can be a series of challenges, and if your anything like me, my questioning of the WHYs seem to be constantly being asked within my own head.
When people say that life’s challenges will help you grow, help you learn and help you become stronger, I feel like closing the door and literally walking away. I mean at 43, how much more do I need to G.R.O.W to just be happy.
I suffer from #depression , I have a deep issue with #rejection and I’m so emotionally damaged from not having a mother and family that wanted me.
I don’t think I will ever find peace in the above, and I know that this has really become evident now in how I react and connect with every person and event that happens in my life now.
There are days I just want to run, days that I could end it all and days that I feel so very numb. The self punishment can be extreme, when you can see no other reason but internal blame.
I’ve had therapy, counselling and support but nothing has worked over the years. I struggle to deal with the constant emotional pain.
At times I know the only reason I’m still here is my mini one. She is the only reason I still have to exist, have to survive and have to endure this continuing pathway of self demise.
This is not cry for help, it’s not a suicide note it’s just my life.
The strong soul that often portrays through an image or a caption will never capture the grief from within.
Never presume that someone is coping, that their life is a holiday. Know that we all have our battles our doubts and our troubles.
Let someone know you can’t be in their life, never leave them hanging, not knowing. It’s the only way a person can have closure and move on.
I can’t believe it’s been 1 day shy a week since my surgery. I’m still healing but I started incorporating few baby spoons of yogurt and baby food. I consume at least 1,5l of water a day. Bad days I still drink at least 1l. I wall at least 1mile a day for now just to keep things moving 💩😂 also I want to use waking as exercise but don’t overdo it yet. However, I find that being in fresh air Reid es my stress levels about food and all the changes I’m currently going trough. Yesterday I tasted like 2tbsp of decaf coffee and it was ok, not side affects. It’s was lukewarm tho. Today I’ll stick mainly with protein shake and from tomorrow will transition to phase 2 and will try more Greek yogurt and pure foods.
I find that consuming enough liquids and waking keeps my energy levels pretty ok. And I lost 8.8lb in 5 days!!! Wth??! Tomorrow will be my week one surgyversary. If I make it to 10lb list I’ll be in another world lol 😂 #rny#gastricbypass#rnycommunity#wls#weightlosssurgery#rouxeny
People really don't understand what it's like to have #wls . Hell, I didn't even know till I started the program. It's a process for sure. Between having to get clearance, to actually having the surgery and everything after. Would I change the path that I have chosen? F* no. I am proud that I took a stand to take my life back. To be the mother my kids deserve to have. To be that person I once was before I allowed myself to just "fail" at life.
So for those who question why take the "easy" route. Well MFers, it definitely easy. And it's a *life* long BEST decision I have ever made!
Oh lawd! 😑 so the reason why I stopped going to the park as my daily routine was because I stared having pain in the middle upper stomach. At first I thought it was the mesh from the hernia but then the pain would run to my upper back. It was so bad I had to visit the ER twice a day!! So what the docs told me is that I had developed a ulcer 🤦🏽♀️ . He said is typical to develop after 2 years of weigh loss surgery . And now I’m getting a endoscopy soon just to make sure is 💯 percent what they telling me . Umh also a nurse told me that usually patients who have gotten weigh loss surgery, after 2 years they develop stomach problems , so here I am I develop an ulcer from vomiting, because I did a lot in the beginning. Like I said the surgery is not a Cosmetic procedure is a health necessity. Now I gotta take care of it because my back is being hurting 😐. * (Disclaimer) we are not the same our body’s react differently, just because it’s happening to me doesn’t mean it can or will happen to you! So don’t get scare talk to your Doctor this is just me and my journey after weight loss surgery 😊* #weightlosstransformation#weighlossjourney#weighlosssurgery#weighlosssupport#gastricbypass#gastricbypasssurgery#gastricsurgery#gastricbypasscommunity#rny#rnycommunity#rnysurgery#rnybypass
Small Batch Granola is amazing and you can alter the ingredients to your preferences!
1 1/2 cups old-fashioned oats
2 tablespoons lightly packed brown sugar
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon freshly grated nutmeg
1/2 teaspoon salt
3 tablespoons pure maple syrup
2 1/2 tablespoons coconut oil, melted
1/2 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
1/3 cup raw sliced almonds
Preheat oven to 350*F.
Combine dry ingredients in a mixing bowl except for the almonds (or nut of your choice!). In a separate bowl combine wet ingredients. Combine both and stir well until all ingredients are moistened.
Spread on a prepared baking pan and bake for about 10 minutes. Add almonds and bake for an additional 10-20 minutes or until golden. Cool completely before serving/storing.
Went hiking at Lake 22 today! We did this hike 5 years ago when I was 3 months pregnant and I did much better this time haha. It was definitely harder for me than it was for Dustin lol but we plan on going more often so I’ll get better and stronger! Made sure to track on my apple watch so that I can see as I improve ☺️
5 248 hours ago
I just made my profile public. Trying to end the stigma of mental illness by sharing my story of living with #bipolardisorder type I (with psychotic features) #ptsd#cptsd#anxiety and doing that all after having #gastricbypass surgery in Dec 2015. I have had #ect twice (ugh) and am doing #ketaminetreatment as a nasal spray. I have mixed feelings - but it WORKS!
Highest weight: 280
Lowest weight: 152
Current weight: 180'ish. I rarely use the scale anymore... I just wanna feel comfortable in my body and be healthy!! My focus is on positivity (or I am trying??) using #DBT skills that I am learning over again - and I am just starting to appreciate life more (this includes me picking up my drawing and photography hobbies in the process!). SOOOO that's me.
I also like crude humor, coffee, activism, learning (esp. about psychology, sexuality, computers, or anything really...) and animals!
How is that for an introduction?
THINGS TO REMEMBER: ✨
• You’re allowed to change your plans. 🌈
• You don’t have to be happy all the time. 💜
• Showing emotions is healthy & okay. ☀️
• Authenticity is better than perfection. 🌸
• You’re amazing just the way you are ♡
43 79421 August, 2019
“Diabetes rampant in my bloodline
That’s why fat boy [girl] be happy to see the sunshine” -Rick Ross
When asked “why did you choose surgery”? My response is, “Because I needed to save myself and it wasn’t anyone else’s responsibility but mine. I am my most important person.
I saved myself so I can see the sunshine, HAPPINESS is sublime. #blackfitness#100poundweightloss
The pic on the left was my time hop yesterday and it absolutely killed me. How far I’ve come and how much my son is a little man now. It’s mind blowing to me how fast time goes. I will never regret taking the leap to have surgery. It save my life. Regardless of all the complications I still made the best choice. •
Happy Saturday my loves!!!